My Girl Is Gone
She had been progressively getting worse and then today I just knew. Â She wasn’t in pain but she was tired and panting and couldn’t get up and was just laying looking up at me. Â I laid down next to her and she moved so that she could put her head against my leg. Â Rooster wouldn’t go outside but chose to stay by her. Â She wasn’t suffering but I knew she was tired. Â She put up a good fight and ate a bowl of chicken before she went. Â I thought I was ready. Â Is anyone ever ready? Â I doubt it. Â I can’t stop crying. Â I don’t want to start my new normal. Â A light has gone out in the world, but heaven gained an angel. Â She has all four paws and she’s waiting for me. Â I’ll miss her until I see her again and I will always love her. Â Thank you for sharing in our journey. Â Your kind words and support helped me do everything I did with strength and confidence. Â I learned so much………..the value of consistent and unconditional love. Â I learned never to give up. Â And I learned to let go even when I didn’t want to. Â So many more lessons that are just too numerous to type. Â I found a poem that I have always loved and I’ll leave with that as there’s nothing else I can say that everyone here doesn’t already know:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there
I did not die. Â
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
March 28, 2016 @ 6:21 pm
I am so sorry to hear about Patches. This part of our journey is so tough. Even though there is support and loving people around it is our own. We grieve so differently and each one of us can never know how long or when or even if the hurt stops. Some days will be better than others. Some tougher than the day before.
Know she is watching over you and watch for her signs. They will be there
xoxoxo
Michelle & Angel Sassy
March 28, 2016 @ 11:46 pm
Thank you Michelle. This is the toughest part about loving our little pets. They give us the best of days and then one horrible day. My son and I just said that we’d rather have had her than not. It’s so sad, but once again the Tripawd community pulls through and helps me through the darkest moment.
xoxo
Debbie
March 28, 2016 @ 7:22 pm
Oh Debbie, I’m so, so sorry! There is no way to be totally ready for the inevitable. We start this journey when they are so cute and innocent, many of them were just babies when we got them, and they stole our hearts. We were goners from the beginning.
Hugs to you!
Donna & Murphy
March 28, 2016 @ 11:28 pm
Thank you Donna. I was definitely a goner when I walked up to her with a treat, gave her one and she picked up her little paw and hit my leg for another one. I never thought about the end at the beginning. Although it really is horrible I love knowing that I gave her a wonderful loved filled life. God…..I miss her so much. Thank you for your support, it really does help.
xoxo
Debbie
March 28, 2016 @ 7:32 pm
Debbie I am so so sorry to hear this news. My heart grieves with you. Patches touched every single one of us. You left no stone unturned to make her quality of life be the absolute best. Your love for her shone like a beacon in everyone of your posts. I know how hard your heart hurts right now. May your love for sweet Patches and your joyful memories of her see you through this hardest of times.
Linda & Spirit Mighty Max
March 28, 2016 @ 11:26 pm
Thank you Linda, thank you so much. your kindness and understanding are incredible. Saying that you saw how much I loved her reassures me that I let HER know how much I loved her. That was the last thing I said to her this morning before she closed her little eyes- “You Are So Loved”. I’ll miss her until I see her again. I will absolutely love her forever.
xoxo
Debbie
March 28, 2016 @ 8:49 pm
When we say our hearts break with you, it is true. I sob with you right now and will have to come back. Too many tears.
I just want to try and say ine thing for now through the tears. That beautiful poem…I was given that by a dear friend when my husband transitioned to the other side of this life. It has sustained me. I believe it. Not only with his transition, but with my beloved Happy Hannah’s.
I’ll be back. Love you and Patches and Rooster so much.
Sally and My Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie
March 28, 2016 @ 11:24 pm
Aww, thank you Sally. Thank you for your love, your kind words and your empathy. I am sorry for your losses as well. No way around this hurdle, only way is to get over it. Time will help I hope. In the mean time I’ll cry with you and hold my memories close.
xoxo
Debbie
March 28, 2016 @ 9:05 pm
http://a.abcnews.go.com/images/US/ht_oreo_cookie_jef_120301_wmain.jpg
March 28, 2016 @ 11:22 pm
Cookie 🙂
March 28, 2016 @ 9:18 pm
Ohhhh my gosh Debbie, I’m really so very sorry, please know we are thinking of you.
Yes, the heartache is just awful. It feels like it will never end. Nobody is ever ready and when it happens, there are no shortcuts to coping and getting through the day, you just have to take things one step at a time.
You both fought so hard and valiantly, giving this fight everything you had while living in the moment. What a perfect example of learning how to Be More Dog! May those happier times help dry the tears as the weeks go by, and keep your heart protected and strong.
We are all here for you, please lean on us OK? All the love in the Tripawds Nation is coming your way.
March 28, 2016 @ 11:22 pm
Thank you, that means so much to me.
xoxo
Debbie
March 29, 2016 @ 12:24 am
Im so sorry Debbie…Everyday that passes is a day you are closer to seeing her again…Rest patches and say hi to my Zeusy…
Love you,
Deb, Belle and Angel Zeus
March 30, 2016 @ 12:10 am
Awwww, I’m sure she’s hanging out with Zeus exchanging funny human stories. I know that we’ll see them again and love them forever but it’s going to be a hard time missing them until we do. Thanks for your kind words.
xoxo
Debbie
March 29, 2016 @ 4:26 am
Oh Debbie – I’m so, so sorry for your loss! My heart aches for you and your family. I pray you find peace and strength as you (reluctantly) move forward. You know you gave Patches a great life, and did everything you could for her; and more importantly, SHE knew this too. And in the end, you gave her the greatest gift of all, even while your heart was breaking. Take care.
Paula and Nitro
March 30, 2016 @ 12:08 am
Thank you Paula. I think she took a piece of my heart with her. All I wanted to do was make her happy. I think she knew that. Is it ever enough time though? I thought I’d have her forever. I’m glad I lived each day like it was her last. She went out with grace. I at least waited to lose it until after she went. Because I wasn’t graceful. Hopefully she’s watching over me a little to give me some of her spirit and pluck.
I appreciate your love and support.
XOXO
Debbie
March 29, 2016 @ 2:58 pm
Ohhhh Deb. I KNOW you are taken to your knees and don’t even know how you’ll take your next breath. And I wish I could say it gets better each day. It doesn’t. At least not for a long, long time. It doesn’t seem ppssible that each day can actually be worse than the day before, but, for me, it was that way for awhile.
We all love you and Patches so much. Your grief is our grief. Your tears are our tears.
The llve you and Patches shared jumped pff the screen with everynllst, every photo, every video. TRUE!!! There are just certain times when you really can FEEL the depth of a bond between a human and their dog, and you and Patches (and Rooster too) are an example of that.
Every singke thing you did…EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DID…was with Patches’ well being in mind. You jad the COURAGE to step away from anything that wasn’t letting Patches be
Atches. That takes so much courage. But most of all, it’s an exclamation point that shows, yet again, your deep and selfless love for Patches.
And Deb, the fact that Patches was able to communicate to you she was ready…and you listened….such a beautiful connection. She had no fear. She knew you would help her transition when she told you. She…and you…made sure she didn’t have to get “worse”…she didn’t have to suffer. To jave that memory of her best friend in the whole wide world giving her a cookie is such a gift. Had you waited longer, the memory may not have been one that would bring you comfort.
Deb, you jave done an amazing job of “holding it together” and staying in the moment. It’s so hard, so darn hard. Yes, Patches is a Warrior…and so are you! Your love for her is so strong you were able to Be More Patches. She is sooo proud of you!!
You a d Patches shared your legzcy of love, care and devotion will be one that will stay with us forever! Yiu also inspired us even further by your steadfast commitment to do anything and everything to he@p Patches keep a good quality of life…as long as it did her no harm!! I can tell you one thing, should I ever have to face this journey again, thanks to you and Patches, I would not hesitate to use CBD as an alternative.
Please stay connected. This part is seemingly unbearable. You are surrounded by so many of us who understand first ja d the void, the delth kf despair, the walking around in circles, the not wanting to go to bed, the not wanting to get out of bed, not javing yiur daily routine of love and care.
We also understand that the happier memories, the thousands and thousands of happier memories, will eventually push the sadness away further into the background.PROMISE! And I also know that Patches will let you know she is healthy and young again AND she is still prese t withnyou PROMISE!!
It took my Happy Hannah quite awhile before she gave me a really huge sign. It was a small Rainbow so low to the ground
AND right over her ramp, I was able to TOUCH it! I actually walked through a Rainbow right over her ramp! It took over a year for her to send me this undeniable sign from her. It was because she was having too much fun at the Bridge eating ice cream and CHOCOLATE and deer poop!
Patches may not connect with you right away because there was a wheelbarrow full of Oreos waiting for her at the Bridge! It may take ner awhile to eat those before she remembers to connect with you! Let us know when she does. A lot of people around nere find pennies that show up out of the blue. I always ask Happy Hannah to send me money too…dollar bills…skip the pennies!!
I’ve seen that beautiful pictorial tribute you did for Patches. I am going back over there, but I have to wait for the tears to dry up enough again to type!
Deb, you and Patches have inspired us in so many ways. Even through the sadness I can smile when I think about that unbreakable and Soul deep bo d. So special, so divinely special.
I’m gping to celebrate an outstanding life so well lived with some Oreos and ice cream tonight….and a smile as I remember our Patches.
Sending you and your family all tne love in the world.
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie
March 30, 2016 @ 12:00 am
Sally…….you have been a lifeline through this journey. Somehow you get right to the heart of the matter, tactfully, honestly and with great feeling and empathy. Your words touch me. I loved my girl and I think I loved her so much for that feisty spirit and for her tough beginning which she fought through. I remember the day I laid eyes on her. We just cry when we need to. We are reliving some of the cute memories and we are happy we had her. We’d rather have this pain than not have had her at all. But omg……it’s like a punch in the stomach and it takes your breath away. I don’t know how I did it. I don’t know if I was brave or if I just could not watch her suffer and be weak and tired and not herself. I know my heart will heal but it is going to take a long time. And I know that everyone here will help me get through the grief. Thank you Sally, thank you so much. I absolutely will not lose touch.
xoxo
Debbie
March 30, 2016 @ 2:38 am
You were able to release her for all the reasons you said. But the main reason is because you of your @ove for her. Your love for Patches is the strongest force in the world and it carried you through her transition…the transition that she was ready for and let you know it!
Yes, she took a piece of your heart with her…and she left a pierce of her heart nestled safely and snuggly in yours.
And yes, we will stay in touch. We are always family here and we stay together. When you feel like it, please share more stories and pictures of our beloved Patches.
I hope staying connected here brings you some comfort and allows you to continue to carry on the wonderful legacy of Patches. It’s always rough for “newbies” with seniors to make a decision about amputation. Not only will Patches’ story inspire them, but the way she battled through the mets and continued with great extended quality time will give hope to others.
You and Patches are such an important part of the Tripawd community. And we definitely want to continue hearing about Rooster…with pictures of course!
Love and light!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
March 31, 2016 @ 9:00 pm
I was terrified on Monday when the vet made his house call. I had called the week before to make sure I could have what she needed, a vet to come to our house where she could be on her bed with her mommy, daddy and brother. Rooster stayed next to me while I held her face. the last thing I said to her as I held her face and her dad held her paw was “You are so loved”. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. She passed looking at my face. She wasn’t scared, she wasn’t in pain, she was at peace. I lost it. But I do have a piece of her heart with me. And please oh please stay in touch and I will continue to be part of the community. I’m going to continue blogging and sharing and being here to help others with this experience the way you and this community have been here for me. I’ve come to love all the tripawds and their pawrents. I’m thinking of compiling all of my blog posts into a little book as a little tribute to her and as an offering to newbies who need a resource as well as a story of love beyond the earth realm. Trust me, I am here to stay. Thank you for always welcoming me with open arms. It’s helping me cope. Each new “first” is a hurdle but knowing others out there have been there first and will guide me gives me a lot of comfort. There will be more to come as I come out of my “grief coma” and come into the world again. I am giving myself this first week to really take care of my heart, my son’s heart and my sweet Rooster’s heart. Patches deserves that tribute and our hearts deserve to heal. More to come……thank you Sally. It’s not enough but it’s all I have to convey how much I have loved your help and kind words so far in our journey.
xoxo
Debbie and Spirit Patches