There’s a First for Everything
Literally.  There is a first time for everything post losing your pet.  Things are getting better, they really are.  I’m able to get through a day here and there without crying or thinking about the hard things.  I can laugh and smile and look at pictures and videos and think how glad I am that I did what I did for my girl.  But there are also times when I kind of melt down and those are the times when I realize, it’s my first (fill in the blank) without my girl.  It’s getting warmer outside and for a second I thought “oh good, it’s Patchy’s favorite season”.  Oh.  It’s my first summer without her.  It’s just a thought.  Sometimes there are tears and sometimes there’s just a wistful longing that life and the world was different.  Some people think I should not talk about it and not think about it and try not to cry about it.  They can think that.  I wonder if those are the same people who are dying their hair purple and publicly mourning the passing of another celebrity, a musician, who they didn’t know personally.  It’s really an interesting phenomena.  But I don’t listen to anyone but me.  Even though some of these boneheads are in my immediate family.  Not the hair dyers but you know what I mean.  I have moments where I resent people who are callous or impatient.  It’s not their pain so they can’t relate.  Yep, you discover all kinds of things about people, you learn something new everyday.  It’s my first time losing one of my dogs and it’s the first time I’m seeing yet another facet of people I thought I knew.  I’ll be the bigger person and accept people for who they are.  I just hope they don’t expect sympathy from me.  I guess there will be a first for them too.  I hope I will soften toward them over time.  I won’t make any promises.
Rooster is doing better. Â I had a talk with him and explained everything, told him how much I love him and how I will always love him and be there for him. Â He seemed to understand. Â I did stop buying oreos. Â He stopped eating them and wasn’t going to change his mind. Â We are happy summer is coming soon. Â We are looking forward to doing more fun things. Â We think about our girl and feel love. Â We look at pictures and smile. Â And yes, sometimes we cry. Â But at some point we will get through a week without crying and just feel the love. Â There really is a first for everything.
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
PS I received a hand written card from the Tripawds team and it was so touching. Â I know our journey would have been different had we not had the Tripawd community. Â Thank you from our whole hearts to yours. Â You helped make the journey less frightening and lonely, our time more valuable and our hearts more open. Â We are so grateful.
April 25, 2016 @ 10:14 pm
Thank you for sharing your continued journey….I’m glad you’re a little bit better, and I love that you had a conversation with Rooster. I’m sure he did understand you, and is glad you explained things to him. I talk to my boys every hour of every day that we’re together. These “firsts” must be so hard and sad for you right now; it makes me sad that there are some humanoids in your life that “don’t get it”. But you know your Tripawd Family DOES. Please keep in touch with your words and memories, and pictures of Patches…we love hearing about your special girl.
Paula and Nitro
April 27, 2016 @ 5:30 pm
Hi Paula,
thank you for keeping in touch as I continue on this next leg of the journey. I love that we all talk to our fur kids because I know they understand us. The firsts, well some are excruciating and some aren’t bad. I have a deal with myself that if I need to cry I go ahead and cry and feel the hurt no matter what because I believe it’s what needs to be done. If I’m around some of those humanoids that don’t get it I just tell them to look away and ignore me. I love my tripawd family and I’m NEVER going to go away. You’ve all become so special to me and I root for every single person and pup on here that they can beat the odds and live fully and joyfully. I will never ever forget the kindness and support I’ve found here. I’m a lifer.
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
April 26, 2016 @ 3:47 am
You and Patches are
April 26, 2016 @ 4:08 am
You and Patches, and Rooster too, are our family. We understand grief and we certainly don’t “judge” anyone for how they grieve or for how long!!
Sometimes friends and family say pretty dumb stuff. It’s not becq they don’t care. It’s just because they don’t know how to he@p and they don’t like to see you sad. We understand you have to go through grief at your own pace and in your own way.
It’s jard to see everyone getting in with life when your world has stopped and when you are faced with seemingly never ending grief.
You made me smile with your reference to “boneheads” and people dying their hair purple! Pretty sure it made Patches laugh too and wag his tail like crazy! We get it! You stick with us and share with us all you want!
The “firsts” are rough. And even when it becomes the “second” or the “third”, it still hurts just like the first. But the time in between becomes less painful and it becomes filled more and more with happy memories. Goodness knows you and Patches shared thousands of happy times.
Thank you for staying connected. We are family…not the “bonehead family”…just your dysfunctional family!! I’m so glad you and Rooster have each other. I know you are helping each other tremendously. Yes, I agree, Rooster understood everything you said. And I also think Rooster is staying connected to Patches too. I think they are making plans to bring another dog who needs to be @oved…..just sayin’!
Looking forward to your next post. Would @ove to see more photos……hint!
Lots of love!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
April 27, 2016 @ 6:03 pm
Sally My love,
as always I love hearing from you, your kind words are like a hug to me. I will absolutely stay connected and be part of the tripawd community, you’re my “non-bonehead” family now, lol. Everything you’ve said pretty much nails it. It is helpful to know that someone, lots of someones actually, understands and shares my feelings and this knowledge that we didn’t volunteer for. I know that someday I will have another fur baby, the right fur baby who needs me and will no doubt be a tripawd. My heart belongs to them. And my Rooster will be happy to have another sister or brother to love. Until then and moving forward, we keep our heads up, our hopes high and our tissues close 🙂
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
April 27, 2016 @ 1:20 am
Dear Debbie and Sally, everything both of you are saying about the grief process makes so much sense. And yes, it is so odd how people (our own families) can be well-meaning – but say just the wrong things! Like you said, Debbie, this experience reveals so much about people around us. I very much agree with Sally – grief is not static, and the times in-between tears become longer and bring more and more happy memories. It has been just over 9 months since Mani passed, and it still gets bad a times. In the beginning, I remember the world being literally drained of color… I wanted to share with you something I would never share with anyone outside of this wonderful community – it was something that helped my grief process: I went to see a medium for the first time in my life (I just did not lbelieve in these things). I was just so desperate, I just did not know what to do and how to cope, I felt like I Needed to do something. Really, this was an act of desperation. Well, I am so glad I did it – Amazingly, she saw Mani (had known nothing about me, the reason for my appointment, or that I wanted to connect with my dog, not a human), described him clearly – she even saw that he had been a tripod, the fact that he died from a “cancer in his lungs,” (he had OSA)… It was incredible. She said he was ok, and just fine now…Anyway, having that crazy experience helped me a lot. I know this is very weird, and I realize that we all may have different beliefs, so I definitely do not think this is the right thing to do for everyone.. But it did work for me – and I really wanted to share this with you in hopes that my experience may bring you a little bit of comfort at this dreadful time and hope – that your sweet baby is ok… So sorry if this is just too weird…
Anna, Mani’s Ma
April 27, 2016 @ 6:07 pm
Hi Anna,
I said it in my email and I’ll say it here. It’s not weird at all. Since I see that there was an interview right here on tripawds I dont’ feel bad coming out of my little closet and sharing that I am actually a medium myself and have seen how much the messages from the other side can help the healing process. I have gotten signs from my girl that she’s ok but I still miss her and hate what she had to put up with while she was here. I’m selfish, I just want my girl. It’s the want that will never be fulfilled but knowing she’s happy and safe, that’s a load off my mind. I’m so glad you got messages from Mani. It does ease the heart. You are very selfless to put yourself out here and share. It means so much that you want to help and you’re willing to share a very personal experience that people might judge as “weird”. I don’t tell people I’m a medium because of some of the negative reactions I don’t want to get. But I forgot, this is the triwpawd community and it’s my family.
I am here for you too just as you are here for me. It sometimes takes a village.
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
April 27, 2016 @ 3:39 pm
Anna! Not weird at all! Not to me! Whatever helps…WHATEVER HELPS…get us through our grief, and that’s personal and individual for everyone.
I absolutely believe Mani used the woman as a vehicle to get his message through to you! When our grief is so raw and so deep, as hard as our furbabies try, it’s almost impossible for them to make us feel their energy, to “see” their signs, to “hear” their messages. They use whatever vehicle works! Mani knew he had to find a “unique” method to communicate as he had not been able to get through. Stellar job Mani!!
Usually after that initial “breakthrough”, they are able to get through to us in dreams, or showing us an unexpected rainbow, or leaving us pennies, or “feeling” their presence out of the blue, etc. We just have to pay attention.
“Jerry” actually interviewed an Animal Communicator on their Tripawds Radio Show. Several of us submitted questions. I’ll just say that we all felt pretty good after the show!
Nice of you to share your story Anna.
Wishing you and Deb a peaceful heart and surrounding you with the love and light of Patches and Mani.
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
April 27, 2016 @ 6:08 pm
Hugs Sally, thank you. Everything you have wished for me will be yours as well because kindness is always repaid.
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
April 27, 2016 @ 4:40 pm
Thank you so much, dear Sally, I found your words so incredibly validating! I am going to see if I can find that interview online. Hope both you and Debbie are having one of the better days today:)
April 27, 2016 @ 6:09 pm
Thank you Anna. Here’s to a good day all around.
xoxo
Debbie and Angel Patches
April 27, 2016 @ 9:14 pm
My dear Debbie – somehow I am just seeing your response… Thank you for that and for your courage to share that you are a medium yourself.. As far as I am concerned – I think it is an amazing and wonderful thing. Ever since my experience, I am totally hooked – i have started reading and watching anything I can get my hands on about mediums and afterlife. It actually has been an amazing spiritual journey (and I have Mani to thank)! So I recently saw an interview on why mediums grieve just as hard as anyone else (it was an interview by Bob Olson of a medium named James VanPraagh). Bottom line is exactly what you said – you still want your girl!!!! It does NOT make you selfish – only human :)… Even though you know in your heart that she is ok, you still want to touch those velvety ears, smell her, feel her… I get it… Many, many hugs and much love, comfort, and healing to you:)
Anna
May 1, 2016 @ 2:55 am
Debbie you put the “firsts” experience into such eloquent words. We TOTALLY get it. You really do see what separate true dog/animal lovers versus those who just want lawn ornaments. Sorry for them. Because as much heartache as we go through when we part ways with our furballs, at least we understand what real, unconditional love is like. They never will.
Grief is the price we pay for animals’ roles in our life once they leave our physical world, but that grief really is a small price to pay when all is said and done. Well, I can say that now that I’ve been through it (Jerry was our first experience with this too). I just wish our grief could be easier, it’s so hard to go through.
You are doing great though. Just be yourself, follow your own timeline and your own heart and you and Rooster can’t go wrong.
I’m so glad you liked the card 🙂
xoxo {{{{hugs}}}}
May 10, 2016 @ 3:29 pm
As always, thank you 🙂 I loved the card and all the sentiments you expressed in it (and here too).