Some days are going to suck
And yesterday was one of those days. Â For me. Â Let me say, my dog is a trooper. Â That little girl never complains or protests.
Tuesday was chemo treatment number three. Â We were off to a good start as we left the house. Â Patches was excited for the car ride. Â We get to the animal hospital and she jumps out of the car all happy. Â And we get to the door……..and she sits down and decides she’s not going in there. Â yeah, my feeling too girlfriend. Â So we coaxed her in and she sees her nurse that always sits with her and she ran up to her to greet her and get some pats on the head. Â I’m glad she likes the people at least. Â Because we were there for TWO hours. Â God. Â and I tried to hide the fact that I was crying. Â For TWO hours.
Her blood work was fine and she maintained her weight. Â When she finally came out from treatment her number one agenda……get the hell out of there. Â I talked to the vet, everything went well blah blah blah she may have a UTI all fine and good and then she said “she gets a little stressed during treatment”. Â Yeah lady, me too. Â I could see in my girls eyes she was tired. Â I am tired too. Â Tired of my poor gentle loving dog having to be sick. Â Tired of having to watch her get chemo. Â Tired of wishing she didn’t have to be sick. Â I have asked God a few times…….why do animals have to get sick like humans? Â Don’t they suffer enough? Â We got home and Patches did manage to eat a plate of pork chops. Â And a bowl of chicken and rice. Â Then she laid down to rest. Â I felt somewhat better. Â Until 5:45 when the most effective alarm in the world went off…..the sound of a dog getting ready to throw up. Â She didn’t throw up a lot but she looked like she thought she did something bad. Â God. Â I just hugged her and held her.
She is doing better today. Â Was better yesterday. Â However, yesterday I was PISSED. Â That’s not me. Â If you know me you would know I’m a bubble head. Â Stupid happy if you will. Â This has tested my patience and strength. Â I get angry. Â And I have no one to be angry with. Â I get frustrated. Â All of the above. Â I cry and I read about others here whose babies have lost this battle. Â The road to acceptance is paved with broken glass.
It’s ok if I never accept it or get over it. Â I can’t let it affect everything I do. Â I can only work on this day by day and have Patches show me the way. Â Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow. Â Hopefully I’ll feel better in an hour. Â But for now I’m just going to cry and be pissed when I’m alone. Â I think that’s ok though.
I wish this wasn’t a downer but it’s honest. Â Here’s to better days.
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
October 29, 2015 @ 3:55 pm
You go girl!! You can vent anytime you want here! We all do! An usually, not always, it does help to just purge!! It’s a good way to “refresh” and get back in the moment with Patches.
I had to do a little chuckle though when you recounted that “sound”. Eating a plate of pork chops…probably more like inhaling them…and then almost puking…may have had more to do with the chops than the chemo!
Geez…can’t believe you didn’t post a picture of Miss Cuteness!! Okay, we’ll let it slide just this once!
Sending love…and a box of pork chops!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
October 30, 2015 @ 2:30 pm
LOL, you’re funny. And sweet. Thank you for your kind words as always. And yeah, you got it when you said probably “inhaling”. And now she loves when I hand feed her to get her started. She knows she is loved. and you know that sound well I take it. Nothing gets me out of bed faster than technicolor yawn scare. Patches is doing better and I’m doing better. I think I was surprised by how hard it all hit me again. The minute she doesn’t feel good, I’m reminded of it all, it all comes back and I’m pissed again. Hopefully those moments get fewer and more time happens between them. All I can say is…….I’ve got friends here. Thanks Sally!
xoxo
Debbie and Patches……..don’t miss the videos!
October 29, 2015 @ 4:39 pm
Oh, Debbie….it’s ok to feel pissed and even do a little wallowing; I think all of us in this journey feels like this. I was so angry for so long, but little by little, it went away as I saw how awesome Nitro was doing. It wasn’t easy, it took a long time, but he got there, and now I give thanks every day that my beautiful boy is still here with me and doing great. To this day, after all that he’s been through, he loves going to the vet! They treat him like the king he is and he loves the attention! Take all the time you need to get through this…and lean on this community to help you.
Paula and Nitro
October 30, 2015 @ 2:27 pm
Paula, you and Nitro give me hope. I read about him and I know that I may be false starting and getting ahead of myself. You make me stop (drop and roll) lol. Thank you. I’m so happy for you and Nitro. He’s living proof that good things can happen to good people and pups.
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
October 29, 2015 @ 5:35 pm
Amen sister I hear you loud and clear! I think this journey must be like a divorce. First you cry, then you get MAD then you eventually accept it as your new normal. I guess we’re in the mad stage 😡 Hopefully the next stage comes soon. 😀
Linda and Max
October 30, 2015 @ 2:24 pm
Like I said…….acceptance is the road paved with broken glass. You come out with cuts and scars, you’ve lost some blood but if you got to the other end it gets better. I just hope i have the right shoes 😉
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
October 29, 2015 @ 5:50 pm
I was right there with you yesterday. We are only one round into chemo, but when I blogged yesterday, I titled it “good times… and hard times.” Everyone that sees my girl sees how amazingly well she’s doing, but they don’t see the HARD WORK of this journey. Sadness and tears and frustration and just pure work.
Hugs to Patches – and you!! May you both go back to your sunny personalities!
October 30, 2015 @ 2:23 pm
Awwww……Hopefully we all get back to our sunny selves. It’s a labor of love because honestly, for as much work as we are doing……I think our dogs are really the heroes and I know you think so too. They ARE doing well. Despite this crappy disease. I try to follow Patches’ lead but sometimes I slip up and think of what’s to come and I dread it. And I cry in private so she won’t see me sad. Sometimes I sit and say that I have to “let go and let God”. I hope you have a good weekend, hugs to you and your baby(babies)
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
October 29, 2015 @ 9:02 pm
My girl has her first chemo treatment on Monday and I’m a nervous wreck. I just wish I could live life so strong and carefree as my girl. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with so many emotions.
October 30, 2015 @ 2:20 pm
I’ll be thinking about you. And if you need anything or just to vent and talk……..you know where to find me 🙂
xoxo
Debbie and Patches
October 30, 2015 @ 12:29 am
So sorry about your bad day. This is all so unfair and sucky and sad and frustrating!! Of course it’s going to be too much sometimes. Here’s hoping for some smooth roads ahead for you and Patches.
Cindy and Maggie
October 30, 2015 @ 12:33 am
PS: when we first got Maggie’s diagnosis and for the weeks deciding on biopsy and amputation, AND the first week after surgery, I cried on my way to work almost every day because it was the only time I had 10 minutes to myself. Whatever gets us through!!!
October 30, 2015 @ 2:19 pm
Oh Cindy, I didn’t mention you in my “group thank”! Oh no. Thank you so much for writing. I know that you get it, sorry you get it so well. But honestly, knowing other people are there on the journey with me makes me feel better. Can’t explain why but god……to be so fortunate to have people who care about me, about us………as they say in the commercial…….PRICELESS.
I hope you and Maggie and everyone you know and love all have a great weekend,
xoxo
Debbie and Patches