Patches Journey

Last week was a blow and I took it hard.  However, Ms. Patches just makes me smile more than I thought I could.  Because she didn’t really give two shits about what that report said.  Once she rested up from the stress of that appointment it was back to the business of being a happy dog.  My God, this dog is so happy.  All the hugs and kisses and eating and snuggling and smiling…..She couldn’t care less, she’s just happy and she feels great.  And that makes me smile.  She is now getting her cannabis oil twice a day, she’s getting Palladia and cyclophosphamide…….not necessarily against my wishes as it was a vote but with assurance that if she doesn’t want it…..she doesn’t have to take it, it meaning her pills.  We have done all we can do while preserving her quality of life.  We will continue to do everything we can to preserve her quality of life.

I realized something as I mulled things over last week crying my eyes out whenever I had a moment of privacy.  I let that report steal my hope and lead me to abandon my faith.  I can still hope that the cannabis oil somehow takes her cancer away.  Why not?  Miracles can happen.  And I still have faith that no matter what happens, she will not suffer and she will be happy while she’s here with me.  I know she’s going to heaven when she leaves earth.  I know I will see her again.  I know I will miss her while we’re apart.  Keeping her beyond her time isn’t cool because she’s going to a much happier place.

I’m better this week.  My head is in the right place.  I’m still hopeful, my faith is intact and Patches makes me smile.  Rooster does too.  Love isn’t what makes the world go around.  It’s what makes the ride worthwhile.

xoxo

Debbie and Patches

We got our update yesterday from the vets.  I was hoping, praying, wishing……if wishes were dollars I’d have a billion.  But even money can’t buy a cure and my girl has progressive disease.  Rather aggressive too.  Her lung mets grew “significantly” and now they’ve seemed to coalesce into “masses”.  According to the report.  I could see it in my vets face as she gently presented options.  Her delivery was kind.  The actual written report was not.  I could barely get out of the office before I lost it.  And I lost it big.  In private.  I think the reason I was so shocked is because my girl feels so good.  She’s doing so well that one could almost believe there was nothing wrong.  I should have known better but I will never give up hope.  Or give up.  We had a family meeting to decide how to proceed.  We have oral cyclophosphamide in addition to Palladia.  We will attempt to give the meds.  If it happens it happens, if she doesn’t want them, we don’t force them.  We will continue with the CBD oil, going from one dose to two doses per day.  We will be adding turmeric to her regimen.  What we will NOT do is decrease her quality of life or make her go back to the vets.  It stresses her out.  She was panting and tired after her visit and I was heart broken.  It’s about her now.  Not curing her but keeping her happy and healthy for as long as possible.

I’m allowed to cry all I want without her or her brother knowing.  But he knows.  I don’t know if she knows because she is a stoic little dog.  Affectionate too.  I will hug and kiss and continue to spoil her and her brother and just let her live a happy life.  My heart is broken but at least I know what we are up against and I know what needs to be done.  I had hoped for different information.  No one wants their dog to die of cancer.  Well……no one wants their dog to die period.  But no matter what we do, it’s inevitable.  We don’t get to choose.  I hate cancer.  I have for a long time and now even more.  I hate not being able to fix this.  I hate knowing the outcome before it happens.  I have to keep moving forward and I will.  But for now…..just right now, I’m going to have myself a pity party and cry, be mad, maybe even try to negotiate a bargain with God.  Through it all, my girl will be happy, comfy and well fed.  Her and her brother will be spoiled.  And I will try to prepare for a life without my girl.  I have no idea where to even begin.  I guess this blog post is my first step.  Thank you for sharing our journey.  More to come.

xoxo

Debbie and Patches

No one is perfect and someone at the vet’s office effed up in an epic way.  We were scheduled for a scan today.  I couldn’t remember what time and I noticed I hadn’t heard from the vet office to confirm.  So I called them yesterday.  Well guess what, the lovely lady informed me that the oncology professionals were out of the office until Thursday and that our appointment had been canceled.  Would have been nice if someone had told ME.  I was given the option of seeing a different oncologist on Thursday or taking the noon appointment on Monday that oh wait, someone must have just taken it so do I want Thursday ( no other options were presented).  Clearly they had no idea who they were dealing with.  I said no, I won’t take Thursday and you WILL fit me in next week and if I have to come sit in the office for a day……I will.  Mind you I was nice, said I know it wasn’t her fault that no one called me but she could help make it right.  She said she would page my oncologist and call me back when she heard  back.  No call so far.  I’ll be calling later today……and again and again until I have confirmation.  I’m lovely until you mess with my child or my dogs.  Then I’m a stark raving deadly calm lunatic b*tch 🙂  My son knows that when I get calm and no nonsense things are about to get real.

In the mean time, barrels of chicken livers later, my girl is doing, well, awesome.  She played in the horse load of snow that was so lovingly dumped upon our land.  She is still going after her frenemy.  She is eating more than my teenage growing boy son and sleeping comfortably with no wheezing, difficulty breathing or discomfort.  I don’t know if it’s the cannabis or the Palladia but my gut tells me something is going right.  And I still try to stretch every minute out into two while I’m with her and her brother.  I didn’t know if I’d get a month with her let alone five.  What a blessing.  The spoiling has been pretty epic too.  So I guess I can forgive the vet’s office.  But they WILL fit me in 🙂

Thanks for reading, have a great day

xoxo

Debbie and Patches

This is just one instance of walky excitement.  From the day she came to live with us she loved to take long walks in the part near our house.  The first time she went she kept up with her new brother and took a long walk and explored everything.  When we got back I sat on the floor and she came over and was standing with her head against my chest as I hugged and petted her.  We were there for a while and just as I though “wow…….this dog is REALLY affectionate” she began to snore.  She had fallen asleep standing up.  Good times.

enjoy her excitement

xoxo

Debbie And Patches

wow……time is flying. It’s almost the end of January.  February 1st is looming on the horizon.  It’s the date Patches gets re-evaulated.  She said she doesn’t care.  She’s having so much fun.  In fact, she had so much fun last Sunday she  paid for it on Monday.  My bad.

I took her and her brother over to my mom’s condo for a visit.  It was lightly snowing and so beautiful.  And she wanted to take a walk.  Not a “lemme sniff then go in” kind of walk but a full on “c’mon mommy you’re not keeping up” walk.  We walked around the condo complex.  Three times.  The last time it was night time, it was COLD, it was dark (and scary), there was about an inch plus of snow on the ground and we had a three way tie…….I wanted to go back to the warm condo, Rooster wanted to head over yonder and she wanted to head over to west yonder.  My feet and nose were freezing.  What’s a mom to do, I picked her up and carried her much to her shame and chagrin.  She hasn’t walked that much since I can’t remember when.  And she LOVES going for walkies.  I’ll have to post the video showing what happens when we ask Patches if she wants to go for a walkie.  She bucks like a little bronco.  But I should have known better.  Monday she was tired.  Hell, Sunday she was tired.  She came in and was snoring in less than five minutes.  Monday she had trouble getting up and had to be carried outside for bathroom.  I felt awful.  She seemed to be stiff but happy overall.  By Tuesday she was back to motoring by herself……that happy little three legged click click thump sound.

So lesson learned, dogs like adventures too and like humans, they get so excited they can over do it and pay for it later.  Good thing is she had so much fun and feels good.  She continues on Palladia/Pepcid and CBD, eats like a champ, sleeps like a rock, loves like an angel.  I love my dogs.  I love them so much.  I continue to hover over both of them, monitoring every little movement and snore, watching them sleep as I smile, feeding them whatever they want and hugging them.  It’s still a hard journey.  I still worry.  But they don’t and that’s really what matters.  I’m glad we took those walks.

Until next time,

xoxo

Debbie and Patches